I consider my time at home already a rousing success, as I’ve started putting the finishing touches on my Carole Baskin Halloween costume. Hashtag, flower crown.

Hello all you cool cats and kittens!

My house officially lowered the bar of expectations from “Let’s make the most of our time quaranTYNED and learn an instrument! Or a language! Or clean out the goddamned basement, DEAR” to “If I don’t snap someone’s neck in two before the end of the day, imma call it a win”. Lowering standards in the face of a mandatory global pandemic requiring folks who otherwise wouldn’t see each other much TO SEE EACH OTHER EVERYDAY AND SHARE AND OFFICE AND HEAR THEM CLEARING THEIR THROAT A ZILLION TIMES A DAY AND PARTICIPATE IN THEIR CONFERENCE CALLS IN AN UNOFFICIAL CAPACITY SURE DAN, I’LL SPEARHEAD THAT PROJECT AFTER ALL WE’RE IN THE SILOS HERE could seriously save lives.

What a long, strange two weeks it’s been.

I’ve transitioned from discovering new hobbies to, shit…maybe I should find a Covid Side Hustle. I read somewhere on Twitter that when the world transforms into a feces bombed dumpster fire, we should offer our gifts to the world. Give the thing that we do well to the universe. If I could send y’all a giant lasagna everyday, I WOULD BECAUSE IT CURES ALL THAT AILS JUST ASK MY FAMILY. I cannot, unfortunately, so instead, I’m considering sharing some of my writing in the form of Kindle downloads. I’m still navigating the whole process, but it may pull double duty as a stupid fun project that distracts me from the prospect of never leaving the house again Bubble Boy style, and something to entertain the masses in the same boat. It’s no N95 mask or PPE, but we do what we can.